


In Memory of When I Cared

by Rainbowicus



Category: Vampire Knight (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Funny, crackfic, terrible, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-15 22:38:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10558872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowicus/pseuds/Rainbowicus
Summary: Self insert crackfic because why not? It includes sarcasm, diabetes, blood, maybe some gay at some point. I was going to do a serious fanfic, but this happened. I'm not sure how to explain it. Shenanigans.





	1. There Will Come Soft Rain

I stumble into the classroom. Only five minutes late this time. Luckily I’m a quiet student so the teachers don’t mind. I go sit in the back as usual. By the window. The window panes make me think of my pain. They sound the same, but are spelled differently. Life is so hard. I angst back here and no one bothers me. Woe is me. I’m too sleepy for this bullshit. Angst is all I feel. I need my cookies. I can’t function until I have had them.   
I reach into my bag, and am met with disappointment. I forgot the cookies. What will I ever do now. Why do I keep breathing. Why. Why. I pick up my bag, and get up to leave. 

“Excuse me, Kris, you only just got here!” The teacher said. I shrugged and kept going. I need my cookies. She can back the flip off. Like, dang man. Dang. I just skedaddle. Don’t have time for her. Need my cookies. I just can’t even.   
As I walk back to my room, I run into someone.   
“What in the diddlyfuck” I grumble as I shove them aside. I think is was a night class student, but I really don’t care. They’re too angsty. Even for me. 

“Hey..” I hear coming from the trees as soon as I step outside. I look over and see a shadowy figure. Lurking.   
“Oh, hey bro.” I wave. He steps out of the trees and hands me some cookies.  
“I could sense this.” He says as I shove cookies into my mouth. I am about to thank him, but he’s returned back to the darkness. I just shrug, and I figure that I’ve missed so much of class that there’s no point in going back. Maybe I will find my friend. Maybe I will roll eggs into the night class dorms. My bro always has eggs that are ready to be rolled. I’m sure he will be there waiting for me. He knows things. Like how to get into the night class dorms. 

I arrive at the trees near the night class dorm.   
“Close your eyes.” I hear. I do as I am told. I am ready. I feel my body being picked up.  
“Okay, open them.” I hear after I am set down on my feet. I open my eyes, and there stands my friend. As I knew, he had his arms full of cartons of eggs. We look into each others eyes, and nod. We walk through a door, and are in the dorms. We silently step around, opening doors and rolling eggs in. I honestly don’t care if they know or not. I still get to roll eggs. That’s all that matters.   
“Oh hey, wait a second bro. I need to test my blood sugars.” I drop the eggs, and sit down on a not egg covered part of the floor. I pull out my tester, and poke my finger. I squeeze out the blood so that I can let the test strip suck it up, and know how my blood sugars are.   
Before I can reach the test strip, someone grabs my wrist.   
“Bitch excuse me!” I look up at one of the night class students. He is holding my wrist.  
“You’re bleeding..” He brings my hand close to his face.   
“Yea, I’m trying to test my blood sugars. I’m diabetic. So, can you not.” I elbow him in the gut, and go back to what I was doing. He lets go of my wrist, and before he gets the chance to grab it again, my friend throws a ninja star. It bounces off of him. It was a paper ninja star. I look over at my friend, and he just shrugs.   
“Well that was rude.” The night class student says.   
“Grabbing someone’s wrist and being weird about their blood is rude.” My friend throws another paper ninja star at him.  
“Aido.” Some other night class student says. This ‘Aido’ person stands up straight, and looks right at him.  
“Lord Kaname! I-I’m sorry!” He bows. Alrighty then.   
“Oh mighty Lord Kaname!” I yell as I raise my hands up.  
“Lord Kaname let us bask in your glory!” My friend yells as he reaches out to Kaname, while also throwing a paper ninja star. It hits his hand, and leaves a small paper cut. The paper cut instantly heals.   
“Lord Kaname teach us your healing secrets!” I scream as I fall to the floor. My friend throws more paper ninja stars at him. He looks very unimpressed. My friend throws down a smoke bomb, and the next thing I know, we are outside.

“That was fun.” I say turning to my friend. Oh wait, my friend has gone already. I shrug and head back to the day dorms. I have some things I need to do. I don’t remember what, but I am sure there are things I need to do. I will probably just end up eating some snacks. Snacks are good. I don’t know what I would do without them. My life would be meaningless. A snackless void of sorrow and suffering. Oh the suffering. No one will ever understand my suffering. The suffering of not having snacks. It’s torture.   
While lost in my angst, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I bumped into someone, and ended up on the ground. I look up to see who it is, and it is the edgy angst kid.   
“Watch where you’re going.” He grumbles.   
“No, dude with the old person hair, you watch where you are going.” My friend appears behind him as he says this.   
“What do you mean old person hair??” Angst dude snaps.  
“It’s grey. Like old people hair. Why is it like that? Are you an old person?” My friend asks, moving his hand to touch his hair.   
“Hey! Don’t touch me!” Angst dude smacks my friends hand away.   
“Angst dude, be nice!” I scold, waving my finger.   
“That’s not my name.” He glares at me.   
“Okay, then what is your name?” I ask. He seems hesitant to answer.  
“Zero.” He says.  
“What kind of name is Zero? Is it because you are nothing?” My friend tries to touch his hair again.  
“Hey! I said not to touch me!” He smacks my friends hand away again.   
“Would it be better if I said no homo? Are you worried you may catch the gay?” My friend once again reaches for his hair.   
“What?? Who even are you? Are you even a student here? You’re not even wearing a uniform!” Zero yells at my friend.   
“That’s my bro.” I answer, even though he wasn’t asking me. Zero glares at me. Zero looks back at my friend. Then back to me. Then back to my friend… Well, where my friend used to be. He vanished again. He does that. 

“What the shit.” Zero grumbles. I reach for his hair. My friend made it look like fun to try and touch. It angers the angsty teenage old man. His suffering fuels me.   
“Hey! You don’t get to touch it either! What is your problem!?” He smacks my hand away.  
“Psh, bite me.” I say as I reach for his hair again.  
“What was that?!” He looked shocked and annoyed.   
“Bite me angst teenage old man.” I reach for his hair again. For a second it looked like his eyes went red. He smacks away my hand, and runs off somewhere. I must find him. I need to touch his hair. Maybe if I touch it, I can absorb some of his angst. I need some more of that. There’s no such thing as too much angst. 

“Well shit biscuits.” I say to myself as I realize that I’m lost. I ended up wandering away from the school, and into town. My mind was elsewhere. I had no clue I was coming to town. Guess I’ll get some ice cream or something while I’m here.   
“Excuse me, miss?” A child grabs my wrist. “I’m lost and can’t find my mommy.” It says.   
“Well that sucks. Maybe you shouldn’t have wandered away from her.” I shrug, and continue walking. The kid is still holding my wrist. Dang that kid is strong. I actually have to stop walking.   
“Dude let go of me.” I look at the kid. No way is it more than 10 or something. I really don’t know.   
“I’m lost, and can’t find my mommy.” It says with a deeper voice.   
“Oh look, there she is, better go run to her.” I say pointing in a random direction. The next thing I know, the kid is pulling me into an alley. Why the heck is this kid so strong? Ah well. The alley is dark. Seems like a good place to angst as a super strong child probably kills me. There’s some shadowy figure deeper in the alley. That’s creepy.   
“Kid please fuck off.” I say as I kick the back of its knees. It doesn’t even budge. Its head starts to slowly turn to face me. It has red eyes. Glowing red eyes. The angst is strong in this one I guess. That’s always nice. Angst is pretty cool.   
“You smell sweet.” The kid says in some raspy voice.   
“Uh, thanks?” I probably smell bad though. I think I forgot deodorant.   
“Your blood… Smells sweet.” The shadowy figure says, as it slowly moves closer.  
“Ah crap, my blood sugars are probably a bit high then. I knew I forgot something! I forgot to give insulin for those cookies. It happens sometimes, okay!! Everyone does it.” With my free hand, I reach for my insulin pump. I don’t get to even turn the light on before my free arm is no longer free. The shadowy figure is now next to me, and holding my arm. The next thing I know, I feel a sharp, warm pain on my neck.   
“Dude what.” I try to shove away the shadowy figure, but just end up standing there with my hand on a boob. Whoopsies.

I hear a gunshot, and the shadowy figure person is gone. I hear the kid let out some sort of animal like noise. Another gun shot, and the noise is silenced. I look over, and see another shadowy figure. This one was coming into the alley though.   
“Okay okay just not the face please.” I sigh, awaiting my eternal slumber.   
“Come on.” It says. I recognize that voice.   
“Angst dude?” I say as I realize that my vision is blurry. I am feeling kinda lightheaded. This is definitely not what I had planned for today. Then again, I didn’t have anything planned. I just kinda rolled with the day. Strange day though. Maybe I need to have my days planned.   
“That’s not my name!” He says. Ah, it’s Zero. He grabs onto my arm, and starts to pull me out of the alley.  
“Can I try your gun?” I ask, reaching for it. I notice the blood covering my arm. Dang my neck makes a lot of blood. Maybe I should utilize this, and test my blood sugars.   
I see Zero open his mouth to say something, but then my legs decide to not do their thing. Guess it's nap time.


	2. Mann Gegen Mann

“Agh what’s your problem?!” I open my eyes to Zero yelling and holding his nose.  
“Huh?” I have no clue what the heck is going on.  
“You punched me!” Zero yelled. He seems angry.  
“When?” I ask.  
“Just now! Don’t act like you don’t remember!!”  
“Did you try to wake me up?” I raise an eyebrow. Just one eyebrow. The other one is just chillin’.  
“Yea, I did.” Zero grumbles.  
“Well there you go. I tend to hit things that try to wake me up. Asleep me is determined to stay asleep.” I shrug. This bed is comfy. Zero turns and stomps out of the room. What room is this? It’s not mine, that’s for sure. Mine has snacks everywhere. I do like my snacks. This one is dark and empty.  
.  
“Hello!” The headmaster chirps as he strolls into the room. What does he want? Ah right I skipped class.  
“Uh.. Diarrhea.” I quickly say. Flawless excuse.   
“…What?” he stops moving.  
“Yea, that’s right.” I crossed my arms.  
…  
…  
Awkward…  
“Okay anyways!” He goes back to being all chirpy. “Could you tell me what happened?” He then goes to being all serious. Dude make up your mind.   
“I told you. Diarrhea.” I look into his eyes.   
“In town. Tell me what happened in town.”  
“Huh? In town?” I am confused. Why am I supposed to know what happens in town? OH wait because I was there. Did Zero tell him?? C’mon Zero! Talk shit, get hit! I will find him later.   
“Uh some kid was lost and I think it was on drugs or something. Same with who I’m guessing is its mom. Both wild and on drugs. So many of them. Including steroids. They were hella strong. It was very inconvenient. And they bit me!” I reached my hand up to my neck, and felt a bandage. Oh ew my clothes are probably bloody.  
“Who the shit changed my clothes?!” I am wearing a night gown.   
“Oh, that was my precious daughter Yuki!” The headmaster said, back to being all bubbly.  
“Did she at least say ‘no homo’ while she did it? Okay well maybe some homo would be okay.” The headmaster is just staring blankly at me. Maybe I broke him. Hopefully I broke him.  
…  
Oh wait here he is jumping around.  
“Okay I have some questions for you!” he pulls up a chair and sits in it while sorting some papers.   
“What?”  
“If you are interested in my dear Yuki, I have to make sure you are suitable to even think of it!!” He says as he pulls out a pen from who knows where.   
“Dude I’m not looking to date her. I don’t know her.” I stopped paying attention after that. I’m sleepy.   
.  
.  
I woke up and couldn’t see anything. It must be night time. It’s dark like my soul. Oh how my soul suffers. So much suffering.  
“Hey.” Someone says. The voice sounds familiar.  
“Oh, hey bro. How did you get in here?” I ask.  
…… Silence. He doesn’t like to reveal his secrets.   
“Okay well can you get me out of here?” I ask, hoping to get an answer this time.   
“We already are.” He says as something is taken off of my face. Oh, we are outside.   
“Ay thanks man.” I sit up. Oh wait. He’s gone. Ah well, at least I’m out of that room. I’m still in a night gown though. I get to show my hairy legs off to everyone now. It’s night though, so I will only run into the disciplinary committee, the night class, or fangirls.   
.  
I stand up, and start to wander around. I don’t actually know where I am. What the heck dude. Now I’m sort of hoping I will run into someone. Oh wait but that would require social interaction. I hope I will see someone, and they won’t see me, and I will then follow them back to somewhere I recognize.   
.  
I’ve been walking around for a bit now. I think I hear someone, so I am trying to quietly get close to them. I am not sure who it is. If it’s a fangirl, I’m gonna kick her and run because she needs to stop stalking people… Which in a way is what I’m doing. I guess if someone comes and kicks me, I will have to accept it.   
.  
I can’t see who it is. Some night class student. Guess I will follow them. Aw crap they will think I am a fangirl though. It they notice me, I will just have to kick them so that they know I don’t care about them. Whoops I think they noticed me. Alrighty time to kick them.   
I run over, ready to kick. The night class student turned around and stepped out of the way at the last second. I was so ready for my foot to meet them. Instead my head met the ground. It wasn’t going to be some fancy kick. Just some pathetic kick and run. I look up at the night class student, and saw them just staring at me. Well this is awkward. I sit up, and feel dizzy.  
“I am not a fangirl! I am just lost! Go away!” I yell. The night class student starts to laugh. Eugh why am I so dizzy? Maybe because I lost a lot of blood earlier. Was it earlier? I don’t know how much earlier. Oh hey maybe it’s also because I am also bleeding a bit… Maybe my blood sugars are low. I don’t know. There are so many things going on right now.   
“You’re hurt.” The night class student says. Great observation.   
“Nah.” I shrug.   
“You’re bleeding.” They say.  
“So?” I look at my arm. It’s scraped up.   
“Why are you out here in your night gown?” They ask.  
“This isn’t mine.” I grumble. So much talking. Too much talking. I’m just gonna try and crawl away.   
.  
I feel something holding my leg down.  
“Where are you going?” The student asks. They are stepping on my leg. Rude.   
“Excuse me, that is my leg.” I punch their leg in retaliation. The next thing I know they are picking me up.  
“You smell bitter.” Okay that reminded me of when those random biting people said something about how I smell sweet. Yea I guess I am low.  
“Hey can you maybe not pick me up.” I try to get them to let go, but I feel so weak and tired.   
“You need some sugar.” Ooh I hope they feed me something yummy. I am so hungry right now. I want to eat and punch things, and also lay face down on the floor. Yep, definitely low blood sugars.   
.  
As death grows nearer, I begin to feel like I am floating. Into a volcano. Without any snacks. If I had snacks it would be okay. I do not have snacks though so it is not okay. Woe is me. I am destined to suffer. Snackless. In a volcano. A volcano of angst and suffering. I am a volcano of angst and suffering. I am destined to suffer, trapped inside myself with no escape. Well, maybe one escape. I could let the lava consume me, and begin my eternal slumber.   
.  
“M’lady!” I hear someone yell. I slowly turn my head towards where the noise came from. There stands a nab, with a beard on his neck. He strikes a mighty pose, raising his katana to the moon. The wind threatens to take away his fedora, but it is as if some magical force was keeping it on.  
.  
Just as he is about to slash his sword at the one carrying me, a metal ninja star ends up in his eye. He drops his katana and starts screaming.   
“Not today.” My friend says as he throws another ninja star. The one carrying me drops me, and is on top of the katana dude. I am about to ask what the heck is going on, but cookies are being shoved into my mouth. My bro is saving my life! I eat these delicious cookies, and then close my eyes to take a nap. I am exhausted.   
.  
.  
Once again, I wake up in some random place. Was last night some weird dream, or did it really happen? I pick some cookie crumbs out of my hair. Huh, guess it happened. Alrighty then. I have places to be. I’m sure it’s time for class. I know I’m in a room, but I don’t know what room. I can see a bit of sun creeping out from behind the blinds. I’m still wearing that nightgown. I should maybe find some other clothes.   
.  
Luckily this is my room. I put on my uniform, and head towards class. We probably had homework. I didn’t do it. I never do my homework. Or do I? Who knows. I should probably know. Maybe my teacher knows? Maybe I’ll ask Zero if he isn’t too busy angsting. I think class has already started. Ah well, I’ll go in anyways.  
“You’re late.” The teacher looks over at me as I try to sneak in the door.   
“Yea.” I head over to my seat.  
“Go take your seat!” The teacher yells at me. I stop walking, and slowly turn to face her. I give her a ‘what the heck’ kind of shrug. Okay. I will take my seat. I run over to my seat, grab it, and run out of the room.  
“What the shit!?” is the teachers response.   
.  
Ah, nothing like sitting out in the sun. Except my skin is super white, so I can’t sit out here for long. I don’t want to turn into a lobster. An angry lobster that hurts everywhere. I tip my chair back. I tipped it a little too far. Guess I’m gonna be laying down. This is going in slow motion. Nice.  
“What are you doing?” My chair stops tipping. I look up and see Zero.  
“Sup.” I nod my head towards him.  
“Why do you have this chair?” He asks as he pushes the chair so that I am no longer tipping.  
“The teacher told me to take my seat… So, I did.” I shrugged. Zero was silent. He is probably angsting about something. He does that. Well, everyone does that. He does it extra though. That’s okay though, he could be going through some stuff that I don’t know about. Everyone handles things in their own way.   
.  
“Hey.” My friend! I look back, and see him standing right next to Zero. “I like the way you angst.” He says.  
“Okay.” Zero responds.  
“Yes, just like that.” My friend winks at Zero. Zero blushes and looks away.  
“What are you doing?” Zero snaps, his voice cracking. His face is so red right now.  
“Just admiring the view.” My friend winks again.  
“Bro do you have something in your eye?” I ask. He looks over at me.  
“No, just being gay.” He says as he looks over at Zero again. Zero was looking at my friend, but quickly looks away when my friend looked at him again.  
“I have to go.” Zero mutters as he runs away.  
“Aw Zero.” I say as I look over at my friend… Oh he’s gone. Why does he always do that? Ah well. I should get out of the sun now. Maybe I will go back to class. Hopefully the teacher is chill now.   
.  
As I step into the classroom, the teacher looks over at me.  
“Where is the chair?” She asks, frowning.   
“In my room.” I shrug as I head up to sit in Zero’s seat. He isn’t using it.  
“And why is it there?” I don’t even have to look back to know that she’s put her face in her hands.   
“Because it’s my seat.” I sit in Zeros chair. The teacher just blankly stares at me…  
.  
“Class dismissed.” She said after a few minutes of blankly staring. She rushed out the door, not looking back. Nice, short day. Maybe I will take Zeros seat too. I can slowly take all of the chairs to my room. One by one. Each day, claiming another as my own. All of the chairs will face my bed, as if I have an audience of ghosts watching me sleep. Yes. That sounds perfect.  
“Where is everyone?” Zero asks as he walks into class.  
“They left.” I pick up his chair.  
“Why? And what are you doing with my chair?” He sounds angry. He always sounds angry though. So maybe he’s not actually angry. I wonder what he would be like if he was actually angry then?  
“Class is done. This chair is mine now.” I head to the door. Zero better move, because I’m not stopping.  
“What?” He puts his arm in front of me to stop me from leaving. I try to keep walking, but he is kinda strong. I’m also pathetically weak though.   
“Move, fool. This chair is my rightful property.” I continue to try and walk forward, just bumping into his arm. He sighs, and reaches for the chair. Aha, time to strike! I swing the chair at him. I lose balance, and fall down. The chair lands on me. Awkward.   
.  
I start to crawl away. The chair sits on me as I crawl. I am a hermit crab. This chair is my new home.   
“My home!” I gasp as it is taken from me.   
“Is there even a point in trying to understand the things you say and do?” He walks over to the desk with my home, and sets it down. I jump up, and try to run to my chair. However, I get really lightheaded, and end up tripping. Back to the floor I go.   
“Well dang.” I have scraped my arm on the floor. That is inconvenient. It seems as if Zero is helping me up. That’s nice of him. Although he is creepily staring at my scraped arm with red eyes. There is an awkward silence. He just keeps staring.   
“Not today!” A paper ninja star hits Zero in the face. Zero lets go of me. I wasn’t expecting it, so I fell back down. Zero seems to snap out of whatever awkward staring contest mood he was in. He looks over at my friend. His eyes are no longer red. Now his whole face is red. My friend walks up to Zero, and puts his hand on Zero’s face.   
“W-what are you doing?” Zero stutters, and places his hand on my friend’s hand. My friend leans close to Zero’s face, and places a kiss on his forehead. It seems like Zero is about to say something, but instead just makes this little squeak. His face gets redder, and he rushes out of the room.   
“Dude nice.” I look over at my friend, who just nods.   
“Thanks. I can tell he enjoys it, but I won’t push it without his consent. I’m not some soggy piece of stale bread.” My friend says as I look towards the door that Zero had rushed out of.   
“Yea, he will let you know when he’s ready.” I say and look back to my friend… Oh wait no he’s gone again. Oh well.


End file.
